An entry level boyfriend is a real, committed partner you date even though you doubt he’ll become your husband. The point is practice. Gen Z writer Sadie Kargman introduced the idea in an Oct. 14 essay for New York magazine’s The Cut. She argues that young women are skipping a step older generations took for granted, which is learning how to actually be in a relationship.
Her pitch sounds simple. You live in a small apartment before the dream home. You take the assistant job before the corner office. Love works the same way. What makes the idea hit right now is a set of numbers suggesting Gen Z wants love more than anyone and feels less ready for it than they let on.
What is an entry level boyfriend?
Think of him as the training round. Kargman says her first one was her high school sweetheart. She knew they wouldn’t last past senior year, but he taught her how to love, and the breakup taught her how to stand on her own. A later college relationship showed her what compatibility looked like and what she would never compromise on. Her biggest regrets, she writes, are the flings she refused to call relationships.
Why are Gen Z women skipping the boyfriend stage?
Many are holding out for husband material. One 23 year old in finance told Kargman that a label means committing to the bit, and a breakup can drag on for a year. She’d rather stay single until someone feels marriage worthy.
Scarlett Tapiero, a recent NYU grad and cofounder of Bettini Bikini, said her girlfriends already meet her emotional needs. When a guy asked her to define things, she shut it down. He never called again, and she had already made a mental list of why he wasn’t husband material anyway.
That vetting starts early. The Kinsey Institute’s latest Singles in America survey found half of Gen Z runs a background check on a date before meeting. Folks are screening for a spouse before the appetizers hit the table.
Are situationships really easier than a relationship?
Dating author and influencer Serena Kerrigan says no. She calls situationships a scam that eats your time and emotions without giving you real commitment.
Harvard psychologist Dr. Holly Parker says casual flings can teach you something when both people know the deal. But only actual relationships build the skills that matter later, like communicating, handling intimacy and negotiating as a team.
Is Gen Z ready for love at all?
Here’s the twist. A Harris Poll study for Match Group and the Kinsey Institute found 80% of Gen Z believe they will find true love, compared with 57% of all singles. Yet only 55% of Gen Z say they feel prepared for it. That’s a generation that believes in the destination while skipping the driving lessons.
Everybody knows the talking stage. It was supposed to graduate into something. For a lot of young people, it never does.
Should you date an entry level boyfriend?
Maybe, with one rule the trend can’t skip. He deserves the truth. An entry level boyfriend only works if both people know where things stand. Otherwise it’s just a situationship with better manners.
Call him your man. Show up, have the hard talks and let it end with grace if it has to. He was never going to be the one. The real test is whether he leaves you ready to recognize the one when he finally walks in.
Source: The Cut/ The Case for the Entry-Level Boyfriend
