What is the difference between love bombing and healthy love? Both can begin with excitement, compliments and a lot of attention, so they can look the same at first. The difference is what the attention is for. Healthy love grows over time and respects your choices. Love bombing uses intense affection to gain control, and psychologists at Cleveland Clinic describe it as a form of psychological and emotional abuse. When you set a boundary, healthy love adjusts to it. Love bombing pushes past it.

That difference matters because love bombing is easy to mistake for romance. The National Domestic Violence Hotline notes that movies and TV often portray it as a love story, with an eager suitor who keeps ignoring the other person’s lack of interest until they finally fall in love. Here are six warning signs that can help you tell the two apart.

1. Is everything moving too fast?

Love bombing: You’re called a soulmate or someone’s other half within weeks. The Hotline says even hearing ‘I love you’ within the first couple of weeks can be a red flag. A love bomber may talk about marriage, plan your future together and push to make things official before you know each other well.

Healthy love: It moves at a pace that works for both people. Your partner is excited about you and still lets the relationship develop over time, through real conversations and shared experiences.

2. Do the gifts come with strings attached?

Love bombing: The gifts are expensive, frequent or unwanted, and they keep coming after you say it’s too much. Later, they may be used against you. The Hotline describes partners who remind you they paid your bills or bought your drinks as a way to get you to go along with what they want.

Healthy love: Gifts are thoughtful and never come with a bill attached. A partner in a healthy relationship doesn’t keep track of what they’ve given you to use later.

3. Does checking in feel more like monitoring?

Love bombing: Texts and calls arrive constantly. At first it feels sweet. Over time it can turn into demands to know where you are and frustration when you don’t reply right away.

Healthy love: Your partner checks in because they care, and they respect that you have work, sleep and a life outside the relationship. A late reply doesn’t lead to an argument.

4. Do they accept it when you say no?

Love bombing: If you ask for space, turn down a gift or suggest slowing down, they argue, guilt trip you or sulk until you give in. Cleveland Clinic psychologist Alaina Tiani says a person who keeps getting combative and ignoring your boundaries is showing a clear red flag.

Healthy love: Your partner may be disappointed, but they listen and change their behavior. Tiani says this is the most reliable test. A partner who takes your feedback and adjusts likely respects you and the relationship.

5. Are they cutting you off from friends and family?

Love bombing: They criticize your closest friend, get irritated when you visit family or act hurt whenever you make plans without them. Over time, you may start skipping time with others just to avoid conflict. Experts describe this kind of isolation as a common tactic in emotional abuse.

Healthy love: Your partner wants you to have strong relationships with other people and is glad to see you spend time with friends and family.

6. Does their affection depend on you going along with them?

Love bombing: The warmth disappears as soon as you push back and returns only when you apologize or do what they want. Experts describe a cycle in which a love bomber first idealizes you, then devalues you once your guard is down, and finally discards you when you set boundaries, often coming back later to start again. You may notice you feel uneasy even when everything seems perfect.

Healthy love: Affection stays steady even when you disagree. You don’t have to earn it back by giving in, and it feels safe rather than confusing.

What should you do if you see these signs?

Trust your instincts and ask friends and family you trust what they’ve noticed. Tiani says healthy relationships feel good, and a relationship that seems too good to be true deserves a closer look. If the behavior continues after you’ve talked about boundaries, it may be time to end the relationship safely. Being manipulated is never your fault, and a therapist can help you work through what happened.

If you feel unsafe, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.7233, use its TTY line at 1.800.787.3224, chat at thehotline.org or text START to 88788.