You’re likely not over your ex if you still check their social media, compare every new date to them, feel a jolt when you hear their name or keep waiting on a text that never comes. Other signs include remembering only the good times, posting with them in mind, holding on to their things, getting shaken by their new relationship and pulling away from people who could love you now.

None of that makes you weak. Breakups take time, and research suggests most people need about three months before the fog starts to lift. Here’s how to recognize where you are and how to start moving forward.

1. Do you still check their socials?

This is the big one. Maybe you unfollowed them, but you still type their name in the search bar. Maybe you have a burner account just to watch their stories. Marriage.com cites an Associated Press report that 4 in 10 Americans have looked at an ex’s social media feed.

Every scroll keeps you tied to a life you’re no longer part of. Curiosity feels harmless, but it reopens the wound each time.

2. Does every new date get measured against them?

You meet someone kind and funny, and your brain immediately starts the comparison. Their laugh, their texting style, even how they order food gets graded against your ex. Whether you’re thinking they’re better or worse, your ex is still the standard. New people deserve a fair shot, not a side by side review.

3. Does their name still hit you in the chest?

Healing looks like neutral. If hearing their name makes your stomach drop, your jaw tighten or your eyes water, there’s still something unresolved. Anger counts too. Indifference, not rage, is the real sign you’ve moved on.

4. Are you still waiting on a text?

Every time your phone buzzes, a small part of you hopes it’s them. When it isn’t, the disappointment lands harder than you’d admit. Some people go further and invent reasons to reach out, like sharing news, returning a charger or asking how their mom is doing. If you’re always looking for an opening, your heart is still holding the door.

5. Do you only remember the good parts?

Nostalgia edits like a movie trailer. You replay the trip, the late night laughs and the inside jokes, but the arguments, the silent treatments and the nights you felt small somehow fade out. Romanticizing the past can trick you into thinking the relationship was better than it really was.

6. Are you posting for an audience of one?

The glow up photos, the vague quotes and the new achievements all look great. But if part of you is hoping they’ll see it, they’re still the audience. Your growth should be for you, not a receipt to show someone what they lost.

7. Do their things still live in your space?

The hoodie in your drawer, the gifts on your shelf, the playlist you can’t delete. Marriage.com reviewer Grady Shumway suggests asking what those items mean to you now and letting them go if they keep you from living in the present. Objects can be attachments in disguise.

8. Does their new relationship ruin your day?

Feeling a pinch when you see your ex with someone new is normal. But if it wrecks your mood, keeps you up at night or sends you digging through the new person’s profile, those emotions are telling you that you still care more than you’ve admitted.

9. Are you pulling away from people?

Some people respond to heartbreak by retreating. You cancel plans, dodge friends and shut down anyone who shows interest. You might tell yourself you’re just protecting your peace. But isolation can make loneliness heavier, and it can keep you from the support that actually helps you heal.

How long does it take to get over an ex?

Longer than a weekend, shorter than forever. Researchers Gary Lewandowski and Nicole Bizzoco surveyed 155 people who had gone through a breakup in the past six months and found that people began feeling better and coping more strongly at around 11 weeks. The timeline held whether people did the breaking up or got broken up with.

That number is not a deadline. The findings may apply mostly to shorter relationships, since recovering from a divorce appears to take significantly longer.

How do you start moving on?

Start by being honest with yourself. Mute or unfollow if the scrolling is hurting you. Clear out the reminders that keep pulling you back. Lean on friends instead of hiding from them. Write down what you learned, the good and the bad, so the story feels complete.

And if the weight isn’t lifting, talk to a professional. Therapy is not a last resort. Directories like Therapy for Black Girls and Therapy for Black Men can help connect you with someone who gets your world.

Your ex may always be part of your story. They don’t have to be the last chapter.