Making friends as an adult comes down to two things, according to the researchers who study it. You need to see the same people often, and you need to like each other. Jaimie Krems, director of the UCLA Center for Friendship Research, says the first part is the one you can control, so that is where to start.
The stakes are bigger than a lonely Friday night. More than half of U.S. adults report feeling lonely, which pushed the U.S. surgeon general to issue an advisory in 2023. Research from Julianne Holt-Lunstad found that a lack of social connection affects health about as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
Why is making friends as an adult so hard?
Adulthood stops scheduling friendship for you. School and early jobs put people in the same rooms every day. Later in life, everyone scatters.
There is a quieter reason too. Krems points out that phone apps now handle what friends used to do, from airport rides to grocery runs to moving a couch. Every favor you outsource is a chance to connect that never happens. Convenience comes with a cost.
People feel it. Krems noted that searches for how to make friends hit an all time high last spring, far outpacing searches about dating or falling in love.
Where can adults find new friends?
Dartmouth sociologist Janice McCabe calls them friendship markets. These are places where lots of people are open to meeting someone new. She says they are easiest to find when you step into a new identity, like a new parent, a new transplant in town or an expat abroad. Others in that same season are often looking too.
The best spots have conversation built in. Think running clubs, improv or art classes. Even journaling at the same coffee shop at the same time every week gives you the repetition that friendship needs.
How do you turn an acquaintance into a friend?
Ask for a favor. Krems says people who help you tend to like you more afterward, and doing something for a friend feels good for the person helping.
Opening up helps too. Alison Nagel, who directs the Connection Project at the University of Virginia, says sharing a little about yourself makes others more likely to share back and to trust you. Her test is simple. If you would not say it to a stranger on a bus, you are offering some vulnerability. Go slow and keep it real.
What does friendship research say about Black Americans?
This is where the research gets interesting. A University of Michigan study by Crystal Ng found that white adults got a mood boost from time with friends, while Black adults more often got that lift from spouses, extended family, church members and other community ties. A 2026 Pew Research Center survey of more than 4,200 Black adults found that a majority see other Black Americans as brothers or sisters.
The numbers cut both ways. KFF found Black women report loneliness at higher rates than white women, 22% compared with 17%, yet Black adults’ support networks tend to grow with age while white adults’ shrink.
Read together, the research points to something the culture has known for generations. The church, the family reunion, the cookout and the play cousin are friendship markets with frequent contact built in. When people move for work or drift from those spaces, they lose the structure, not the skill. Rebuilding it through a congregation, an alumni chapter or a Greek letter organization follows the same science Krems describes.
How do you keep friends once you make them?
Do not wait for the perfect two hour window. Krems says a five minute call beats the long catch up you keep postponing. Nagel suggests small swaps, like calling your aunt for her recipe instead of searching online.
The payoff is real. Krems links strong friendships to better stress handling and immune function, and cites studies tying social connection in older adults to lower risks of dementia and stroke. As she put it, “If friendship were a drug, it would be the most prescribed medication in history.”
Source: CNN/ How to make – and keep – friends as a grownup, according to science
